Unfixable

Sometimes I have to yell at God,  like why you keep putting me through this?

He yell back,  like I gave you a to do list,  I got you a ticket and you chose to come back,  that's on you,  I have nothing to do with it.

You want to leave,  pack your stuff and Ill have you on the next flight, but you're not going to keep asking me why every night.

I know your right.

You did do that and I know I could.

But in addition to asking why,  im always asking if I should.

Like could I really live just fine without you, or will I be stuck looking for someone just like you?

How delightful.

Crossing my fingers that this time you'll get it right, maybe this time,  I wont have to wake you up in the middle of the night.

Cue phone light, Ayo who is this? Why you asking what she doing?  Where you know this bitch?  You fucking her? You trying to chill clearly.

Stop fucking lying,  I don't even want you near me.

Hell hath no fury,  like the way I've been scorned.

Like the way I've been broken,  like the way I've been torn.

I want to kill you sometimes, like fuck everything.

Fuck you, fuck us,  and most of all fuck this ring.

Here you go,  ring ring.  Lori,  don't do this.

Always the same thing.

Acting like you clueless.

And here Lori go,  saying its okay,  I forgive you.

Devil on my shoulder saying look what he did to you.  Can you even think anymore?  Are you dumb or are you deaf?  He lied again to you and just like the rest of the times you said yes,  Ill keep going with the bull shit.  While you lye full of regret.  Like you obsessed, with getting hurt.

Angel over here,  saying not another word Mr. Devil.  Now im here to level. I understand you're hurt,  but placing all the blame on him is a lot of work.  You've done things too,  lets not forget.  You still hit up other men,  even if it was on some friend shit.  Now I know,  what your thinking,  that's nothing like what he did,  he lied to,  hurt you, even after you lost his kid.  But he was hurt too,  a little more savage.  You knew from the beginning that man wasn't average.  Now that is not an excuse for all that he's done,  but even though you lost yourself,  he did lose his son.  Himself, his house,  his daughter,  his job,  and now you.  Baby girl he's picking up the pieces trying to recoup.  Now he's wrong in the way he does it,  that we both know is true.  But rage and violence like what Mr.  Devil is talking about is not cool.  Listen to me,  Ill make sure I save you.  You too good to be bad for someone ungrateful.

But y'all Im unstable.

Feel like I lost a few cables.

Like I hear what y'all saying, but Im just not capable.

I cant keep doing it, but then I guess I could,  been doing it this long,  by now I should be good.

By now I should be numb,  by now I should be straight,  by now I shouldn't even be standing at God's gate.

I guess for now Ill just wait, its already to late.

No other man could fix what he chose to break.